“What’s up big sexy?” *Cue extreme eye roll*
This is in no way a compliment (to me). I am 28 years old with a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree so I do not need you to inform me that I am big prior to telling me that I am sexy. I’ll tell you why this bothers me so much. It goes in line with other HORRIBLE greetings/pick up lines I have had the UN-pleasure of hearing.
1. Your face is cute.
2. You are so cute for a big girl.
3. You’re cute for a black girl.
Trust me, that list goes on and doesn’t get any better. What in the entire fuck? Seriously, I heard comments like this so much growing up that I was foolish enough to believe them. I began to compartmentalize other plus size women and women of color. “I’m not as fat as her” or “She’s darker than me,” were words that had come out of my own mouth. Just that easy I let society manipulate my view of beauty so that I could fit there’s even if it was in a small margin. These thoughts were confirmed with even more insult-pliments (compliments through the insulting of others) like “You’re fat but not sloppy fat like her.” Bitch what? Shit like this was actually okay to me. That is a toxic way of thinking.
It took me a long time to love and accept myself. It wasn’t because I thought I was ugly, it was because society was trying to convince me that I was. This in turn made my every day battle a constant struggle to prove them wrong, not convince myself. I come from a long line of strong bitches. Yes bitches, not in the literal sense but metaphorically. By bitch I am referring to those ladies who speak their mind no matter what and seriously does not give a fuck what you think about them or what was said. In knowing where I come from and my household, I encountered so many women who found it hard to fight society for their beauty. I expected to see this hurt and confusion in young girls because it is a growing pain in the fact that you are still discovering yourself in your youth. What amazed me was running into women 10 or 20 years older than me still battling a self-hatred of being fat. 45 years on this earth and self love and acceptance had yet to broaden this woman’s horizon. The words big, fat, huge, cow, and hippo brought tears to her eyes even if they were not in reference to her. Winning cookies in a raffle bothered her as she assumed it was an inside joke about the fat woman.
I know every person’s journey is different. Not everyone has her mindset or mine for that matter. The point is, when you say “big” sexy you may be hurting someone instead of making them feel good about themselves. I love every inch of me because it’s mine and nobody can love it as much as me. I own the big girl title, but I will not let you call me “big sexy” for the ladies out there that don’t quite yet. But do feel free to call me a @KockyFatBitch when I don’t respond to your lame ass! #LongLiveFatBitches